The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman Book Review

 

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman Book Review

The five love languages by dr gary chapman a book that has sold over 13 million copies worldwide let's briefly discuss the five love languages and after that stick around 

Because i'll share three takeaways that could drastically improve your relationships the first love language is words of affirmation words mean a great deal to this person who has this love language simply saying 

I love you or giving them a compliment goes a long way for this person at the same time lack of affirmation of love and compliments as well as negative criticism can deflate 

This individual you may be trying to show you love this person with all your gifts and services but speaking your love to this person may be what they value most the second love language quality time a person with this love language values undivided attention 

The amount of time spent with this person doesn't necessarily factor into this person's feeling of being loved for example you could spend hours with someone watching a movie 

But if you're on your phone and half listening to your partner talk about their day you're not making a person with this love language feel loved when you cancel plans with this individual or don't give them your full attention 

It could leave them feeling hurt and wonder if you value your distractions more than you value them we all know that life is busy and there are millions of distractions 

But giving these people your time and attention is what they value most the third love language receiving gifts be careful not to label a person with this love language as being materialistic it likely just means that thoughtful gifts are a visual symbol of love that 

They value it's also important to give them gifts that they value not necessarily what you value for example you may think getting them a new car would be a big display of love 

But maybe a pair of shoes would mean more to them because that meant that you were listening to them when they said they needed shoes and mentioned how nice those shoes were when you're out shopping with them the fourth love language acts of service for people with this love language your actions speak much louder 

Than your words these people value when you go out of your way to make their lives easier you could serve them by attending to them when they're sick you could also serve them by doing a household chore 

They don't like doing you may find these acts inconvenient or boring but once you realize these acts of service are how you can communicate love to this type of person 

It can make performing these acts a little easier the fifth love language physical touch these people value physical signs of affection such as holding hands kissing and cuddling on the couch if this person is having a bad day 

You don't really need to say anything all you may need to do is give them a hug also public displays of affection can make them feel desired and wanted okay now that we did a brief overview of the five love languages let's talk about three highlights i took away from this book 

Number one how to figure out your primary love language i want to emphasize the word primary because we have the ability to feel loved with all the love languages 

But it's often one and maybe two languages that we value most going to fivelovelanguages.com offers a free quiz you can take to figure out your love language the author also provided three other ways you can discover your primary love language 

One way would be to focus on what you complain about for example maybe someone goes on a vacation somewhere and if you're overly upset that they didn't get you a little trinket or knick-knack this could be an indicator that you highly value the love language of receiving gifts 

The second way would be to focus on what you most request for example maybe you don't verbally request it but if you notice you're often reaching out for a hug or some type of physical touch it could be that you highly value the love language of physical touch and the third way is focusing on what we express most to others for example 

If you're the type of person who is often saying i love you and giving loved ones compliments and words of encouragement it could be because this is how you feel loved and you're projecting what you value onto others

I do want to point out that observing what others complain about what others request most and what others are expressing most to other people could also provide valuable clues to what their primary love language is the next takeaway is love them the way 

They want to be loved unfortunately we often try to love others the way we want to feel loved for example let's say your primary love language is words of affirmation you tell your partner you love them all the time and you're so encouraging you're like a motivational speaker 

You feel you're giving all your love to this person yet they don't feel loved and you're growing further and further apart in your mind you think the relationship can't be revived and there's a chance it won't be until you start speaking their love language one practical way to make someone feel love is performing what the author calls a tank check this is where you ask them on a scale of one to ten 

How love do you feel right now maybe they say a four after they give their answer you then ask them what you could do to make them feel more loved and then you do whatever they're requesting the beautiful thing about the tank check is that your partner could give you some clues as to 

What their primary love language is for example if they'd feel more loved if you did the laundry it could be they have a primary love language of acts of service or if they say they'd feel more loved 

If you both went for a walk and talked it could be that their primary love language is quality time maybe try this tank check with your partner once or twice a week and try to make it a regular habit 

If you find that it's helping just keep in mind that you're not trying to make the other person feel more loved so they'll love you more you're doing it because you love the other person and you want to make sure your love is spoken in their language 

Your motives for the tank check need to be selfless and the third takeaway was relationships take effort there's a chance you or your partner won't always have those warm fuzzy feelings of love for each other when this is the case it doesn't mean you have to end the relationship 

It could mean you just need to put in the proper effort a big part of putting in the proper effort will be in understanding the primary love language of your loved ones and communicating your love to them in their love language 

It also will include having the self-awareness to know your love language and being able to communicate what makes you feel loved many couples wish they knew about the five love languages earlier on in their relationship as it would have made their relationship much easier and much more enjoyable.

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