Know My Name by Chanel Miller pdf download

 

Know My Name by Chanel Miller pdf download 

Know My Name by Chanel Miller so this book came out last year. And over on book riot I made a video talking about the books that I like regretted not getting to last year. 

I'll link that up in the cards in case you're interested in seeing that. But basically this is the number one book on that list. I was very sad that I didn't end up making time for this book last year. 

And I'll kind of get into a little bit more later about why I didn't. But hearing everyone talk about it, especially as they you know put this book on their year-end best of lists and stuff like that, I realized I basically made a mistake. 

I bought the audiobook of this last year but I just didn't get around to listening to it or I didn't make the time to listen to it. And so again, seeing everyone rave about this book at the end of last year made me want to really prioritize this one. 

So I listened to it and I literally finished listening to it today and I immediately went out and bought the hardcover book because I knew that I wanted a physical copy of this book. 

So if you aren't aware, this is a memoir and Chanel Miller is someone who was raped and it kind of became an infamous case. If you aren't aware she was the Emily Doe in the brock turner case. 

She was raped on Stanford's campus and then you know went through the whole trial and everything like that as an anonymous victim. 

And from that point on, she continued to remain basically an anonymous person until she put out this book. 

So one of the reasons why I personally didn't pick up this book right away is partly because I've been having a hard time picking up books that feel too real.

So I haven't read like she said or catch and kill just because I feel like those are all events that were all still kind of living in. And having to read about those really difficult situations was a thing that like last year I don't know if I really had the capacity for. 

I recognize there's a significant amount of privilege in that and being able to turn a blind eye to a certain extent. 

But the way everyone wrote or talked about this book, made me feel like this is definitely one of them that's worth making the time for. And it is. 

Again I listen to this on audio and I think that that's an amazing way to experience this book. Chanel Miller reads it herself and hearing that emotion put behind the words that she wrote makes it like even more powerful. 

I did have to take a number of breaks from listening to the book. I basically listened to it while walking around. 

And so I would take a chapter in every day approximately and that's about all I could handle without getting extremely enraged at the world or just upset at the things that she had to deal with.

She talks very openly and very honestly about her experiences. Obviously she doesn't remember the incident itself very clearly because she did like pass out or black out for that part of that night. 

It isn't graphic in that sense but obviously she does have to like recall what exactly happened to her. But I think like the parts that are sometimes even more angering is like the process that she's had to deal with afterward. 

The way that she's treated or dismissed or belittled, the way that the entire trial went down. 

Even like knowing how it all turned out in the end, I was still extremely surprised by like the lack of compassion treated towards people who have to deal with these situations or you know the victims in these situations and the lack of understanding for what they're going through. 

The way that our trial and justice system is just like so inefficient and ineffective in so many ways. You know, she talks about how you know she was barely able to work or have a job because she also didn't know like when the trial was going to be and when she'd be have to be in court and how she like didn't want to tell everyone that she was Emily Doe. 

She would like make up excuses for why she had to miss work and after certain points you just realized there was no point in working anymore. And then also like how her and entire like family and friends lives who knew were disrupted by this trial and this case as well. 

And that like they're forced to basically at a moment's notice change things around in order to show up for these days and stuff like that. 

All of that is just so infuriating and annoying and it's like completely surprising that anything is accomplished through our justice system sometimes. But the other great thing about this book is that it's extremely beautifully written and Chanel Miller is just like so reflective in such a wise way about her experiences and the things that she's gone through. 

There were a number of passages in here that I just thought were so beautifully written and so poignant. 

I actually want to read two of them for you guys. I don't remember the exact context but it's like before the trial is happening basically while she's back home, she's talking about like meeting up with some friends for dinner one night. 

"I was careful to gently shift the conversation away from myself. If there's anything I've learned, it's how much you can get away with by saying "work." It's almost concerning. Why are you home? Work. 

It's been a while since I've seen you. Work. We should get lunch next week. Can't, I said, work. You look tired. Work, I said. Totally, they said. I feel you. What I wanted to say was trial. When they said, how are you, I wanted to say terrified. When one said, you look tiny, I wanted to say that's not always a good thing. They walked away thinking we had caught up while I held the quiet knowledge that they knew nothing. 

Like man. And then the other passage that I just thought like is so on the nose for so many things, not just like if you've been in the situation I feel like just everyone in general can relate to it. 

She is talking about the process right before the trial started, jury selection is happening and so she's writing about one of the days that she's waiting. I got a haircut, just to trim. 

I took my car to Lozano's carwash where there was free popcorn and lemonade. And the meditation of watching my car glide through the soapy moppy headed beast. 

I looked for jobs on Craigslist, wrote three sentences of a cover letter. I biked to get a burrito, I drank from an expired coke can, sat wearing my helmet on a bench at the park. I took a photo of the burrito and posted it online. 

I received 32 likes. It was a joke with myself, playing tricks on the world. People believed I was enjoying my afternoon when in reality I was about to face my rapist. 

How creepy it was that we could conceal these stories. How easy it was to pretend the slivers we show, the mountains we hide." Like stab me in the heart, Chanel Miller. 

But yeah, this book is just like full of all these really observant musings about trauma and what we choose to share with people and what we don't. Like obviously Chanel Miller hid a significant part of her life for so long from so many people. 

And she talks about that tightrope walk she basically did for years because there were certain people where she would share with them and there would always be that moment right before she shared where she would kind of debate with herself about what she was about to say and if she should say it. 

Or you know just completely hiding it, like in that first passage, from the people around her and no one really knowing who she was in relation to this case. 

And how after her statement came out on BuzzFeed, people would send that link to her asking if she had read it or telling her that she should check it out. 

But there's also just like a ton of like hope in here. Obviously, Chanel Miller has seen a lot and experienced a lot but she does a really great job of spending a lot of time talking about the ways that she was supported. 

Like after the Emily Doe statement came out, the outpouring of expression from other people who have been in the situation, the way that different people that she would never imagine would read the statement ended up reading the statement and sending her letters indirectly or talking about it publicly and things like that. 

And she kind of was amazed at the fact that by being vulnerable and open to a certain degree, she was able to invite people into what she had experienced and get support and get help and you know just feel less alone and things like that. And it's such a great testament to the way that we all probably should be living our lives. 

So yeah, I love this book. I don't think that's like a surprise to anyone here. But I was just surprised by how taken I was by it. Towards the end she talks about how you know 

so many of us like turn to stories like this and want the happy ending but there isn't really a happy ending to this one and she refuses to like give in to that and just like put a positive spin on it all because she's been extremely like hurt and been through a lot of really difficult things and it's not something that you can just put a pretty bow on. 

And but I think that she does a really great job of just not dwelling in it too much to make it too hard to read. But yeah, it's also just like amazingly written. Like Chanel Miller is a great writer. 

And I think that part of that has to do with the fact that this book came out years after the trial and everything. I can imagine like an alternate universe where she had put out the victims statement with her name actually on it and like publishing rushing to get a book out from her. 

But I think that the time and the space between the statement and the trial and the book coming out provided it with the opportunity to be a stronger story.

Because she talks about the aftermath and she talks about the things that have happened since then in terms of the #metoo movement and Harvey Weinstein and Larry Nasser and all of these different stories and trials that have been coming out. 

And I think that it also just helped give her, probably, perspective and time to be able to talk about these things with a good perspective and write about them in this like really beautiful way. 

Also read: In the Shadow of the Banyan by Vaddey Ratner book 

Also read: How Much of These Hills is Gold by C. Pam Zhang book 

Also read: Shelter by Jung Yun book review

Also read: Silver Sparrow by Tayari Jones book review

Also read: The Confessions of Frannie Langton by Sara Collins 

 THANK YOU SO MUCH